fun

It’s been one party after another for us.

• Miami played FSU in basket ball (and had a darn good showing!)
• Our No Kidding! chapter had our annual Chocolate party on Valentine’s weekend.
• This past weekend was a beer tour at Circle Brewery (owned by a Miami alumnus!)
• The same day, we attended a Mardi Gras party hosted by two Creole Cajuns!

Ack! 2012 has started off with a bang. This must be what runners and racers feel all the time….except we are sprinting through January instead of December. So, here’s a collective update.

The Move

Last year, our rent went up almost 10% and added some fees, too. We knew it would happen again (we heard rumors of $100-$150 increases in 1/1 units!), so we started shopping around. It had to be a Perfect Storm in a lot of ways. It’s not worth moving unless we can stay close to the same total expenses, get more space, get nicer fixtures and stuff, etc. Well, when we started looking around, there were a lot of ways we could make this happen. So, on 25-Feb, we’ll have a new place to live. We have until 22-Mar to get out of Riata, but we’re hiring movers so we can leave early in the hope that they can flip our unit quickly like they did for our neighbor. We have been quite happy at Riata. Unless they screw us over on move-out, I’ll give them a 5-star rating on Yelp. But, when we got this “shoebox” shaped apartment, it was an amazing deal we just couldn’t pass up while we still had a mortgage. We were so happy here that when the lease came around, twice, we just stayed. Now, we’re ready to face moving again to go for bigger/better.

We looked at ~20 places and had a very strong Top 5 list. I fell “in like” with two leasing specialists, one where an acquaintance of ours lives. We found: a lovely town home, an über quiet place up the road, hardwood floors, door-to-door valet trash service, amazing views, and a couple of places with a lot of rugrats. All of the options gave us more space (so I can use Daddy’s desk again!), better amenities for our lifestyle, garage options (so we can stop paying for a storage unit primarily for Daddy’s desk and “junk”), better fixtures, and a better layout.

Just like we did when house hunting, we made a matrix of all the “stuff”. And just like most brides do with a wedding gown, we ended up at the first place we wanted to see: Villas at Stone Oak Ranch. We have good/affordable access to a game room and a 30-seat movie theater. There is a “gift wrap” area full of paper and tape and scissors. All the standards are there too: gym, pool, business center, etc. We have a detached garage, a square balcony, “Romeo & Juliet” doors off the dining room (which I’ve re-named Rapunzel doors), garden tubs, a kitchen that is open on two ends, an excellent pantry, and data ports in all the rooms. The only things we didn’t get: gas cooking (REALLY hard to find) and a fireplace (again? dammit!). But the deal was just too good to pass up compared to the other places in consideration.

Aside: During the process we met an amazing woman named Wendie. She gave us the low-down on why so many communities are doing away with their hot tubs. Turns out, some really scary (as in: there is no known cure) stuff can survive even in 104?-temperature chemical-treated water. The report is new and we could not find it online, but it’s scary. Do not, I repeat: DO NOT get in a public hot tub. Feet only. No “sensitive” areas allowed. eeeeeewwww!

Don’t worry friends and family: we’re hiring movers. We are also cleaning out the storage unit and holding a big moving sale in their parking lot. What doesn’t get sold is getting donated. Goodwill is going to LOVE us! LMK if you are close and care about the few big-ticket items we’re selling.

Oh! And we were able to surprise a friend with the referral fee paid to REALTORs. She’s a single mom and a cancer survivor, so she was elated with the news.

(The) Grandaddy

Grandaddy is quite frustrated and bored. His hip is so messed up from the botched “Paris-effin’-Texas” surgery that he can’t sit up. He’s been laying down since Hallowe’en. The Longview/Tyler doctors have deemed all surgical options too risky. Health care is a joke from the beginning; but in a small town that is 20 years behind the times, 1 hour from an interstate highway, and 2 hours from anything you’ve ever heard of, it’s nothing short of tragic. Mama Bee is still fighting the residuals from the beotch who called APS on her (the witch has since apologized), but no one wants to take Grandaddy on as a client. They claim he’ll have a stroke if he stays in bed too much longer, but they won’t come help her get him the physical therapy he needs to get out of the hospital bed. It’s heartbreaking….worse so to be physically and financially powerless to help. If I could wave a magic wand, I’d care-flight him to one of those fancy-schmancy places in Dallas where he’d get all the help he needs. Again, I need to win the lottery for that. I don’t know what those places cost, but even the crappy Paris nursing homes are $6K per month…and for terrible care compared with what my Grandmother can do (even at her small stature).

The Fraud

In the midst of The Move, we got a call that we’d have to pay rent with “certified funds” like a cashier’s check or money order. We’ve been on auto-draft, so this would be a real pain in the butt. Today, I called the “ladder” of people to find out the cause. Some jackass spoofed my Texas driver’s license number when writing a bad check at Walmart in a town I’ve never been to in Oklahoma. Telecheck reported it to credit on my DL number without checking any facts like the name. So, now, I’m in the middle of yet another fraud mess. I’ve lost count of how many times this has happened. So, to all the people who gave me shit (my sorority included) for wanting to protect my SSN, DL, DOB, mailing address, and other “credit” information, Fuck You! THIS is why. Less than $300 of stupid means we have to get a money order for rent every month? Are you kidding? Since Emil was just frauded over Xmas, this is just another reason to try to get off the financial grid. I haven’t even owned checks in years and I’m still dealing with this kind of bullshit.

Dear Walmart: stop taking checks. They are not money. They are only theft.

“Dear” Telecheck, this a’int our first rodeo for something completely out of my control. I already don’t shop at any store that posts they use you. You have needed better processes since ~1993 when I bought <$10 worth of socks from one of your client stores. Your sign in the window means I don’t shop there. fuckers. Oh, and if you think I’m alone in my opinion, search “telecheck” on Twitter. You need to learn/use social media, too, BTW.

The Fun

Austin is about to ride the big wave of fun that is Spring. Right after we move in, we’ll have RISE (free workshops for entrepreneurs) and the four South by Southwest conferences. I’ve been invited to return tot he photo crew for SXSW. And, I’ve been selected to wrangle for another all-time favorite photographer at Texas School in May. It’s a fun ride, but it’s a sprint, so jump on board fast if you want to hang with us!

Oh, and for those of you close by, look for a party in April or May. The party room at the new place is stellar (pool, poker, shuffleboard, music, swimming, etc.)

If you find @TheBloggess to be anywhere near as funny as I do, add her book to your 2012 wish list!

I mean, anyone who will willingly take a dressed mouse on a plane has some funny stories to share, right?

I hope I end up next to her on a plane one day!

While researching some blog material back in the spring, I found that Tacori was giving away an engagement ring from their new line. So, I signed up to win the beauty. I didn’t win the gorgeous ring, but I did win one of the other 99 prizes: a pair of “Jelly bean” diamond earrings in a “pincushion” style mount.

I didn’t know what I’d do with them. When do I ever have an occasion to wear something like that.

They arrived today and I may never take them off. They are stunning.

Courtesy of a friend via his facebook profile….

Thanks again, The Oatmeal!

Thank you, The Oatmeal, for many LOLs!

After some office/business and personal “admin” stuff organization, I was able to return to a regular reading of my favorite blogs (including those of our friends!). Yay. Bloglines is my friend. And, now it’s on my daily radar and well-organized.

One of my favorites is The Bloggess. Her bananas story had me cracking up….and plotting some devious messages.

If you like a harmless practical joke, this might be fun for you, too.

Use a toothpick to write a message in the skin of a banana….or six. The invisible message will show up in about a day.

Now, if Emil ate bananas, I’d be all over this with jokes and cute notes to him. But, as well all know, he doesn’t eat anything good. So, I must resort to the Bloggess’ suggestion of doing this at the store. What should the psychic bananas say to their new owners?

And, sine she’s so freakin’ hilarious, go read her story. Just be sure you go pee, first.

http://thebloggess.com/2011/08/listen-to-the-bananas/

Even if you only watch the first few seconds (how the finished project works) and not the rest (how to make one), this is really cool!

This week’s incident at the Alamo Drafthouse tugs at my heartstrings.

NSFW: She Texted, So We Kicked Her Out

For those who don’t want to endure the NSFW video and blog, here is the gist:

1. Alamo warns (several times) that calls/texting during their movies is forbidden.
2. Girl texts.
3. Girl ignores two personal warnings to stop texting or she’ll be thrown out.
4. Girl continues to text.
5. Girl is thrown out.
6. Angels from the heavens sing down upon those below.
7. (Dumbass) Girl leaves Alamo a voice mail explaining how irate she is that she was thrown out.
8. Girl is an instant Internet legend. Thank you, social media.
9. All is right with the world, again, as order is restored to the adult movie theater experience.

Backstory

And now, for the back story as it relates to me/us.

When Emil and I started dating, I mostly refused to go to movies. We went to a few coveted faves, but each time, I was disappointed, at the very least.

One time (after we were married), when out with friends to see Madagascar, I made a big stink…with good reason.

The punk-ass kids—there were ~6 of them—behind us wouldn’t shut up.

1. I asked them, nicely, to stop talking. (I remember being a teenager with only the movies as a place to hang out. I cut them some slack.)
2. I told them sternly to be quiet.
3. I told them to shut the eff up. (They giggled, so I thought I really had their attention this time.)
4. The fourth time, I stormed through the very large theater building, stopping at each employee along the way, until I found the one-and-only manager. I knocked on the box office door; I saw him look through the peep hole and then walk away. I bet he could hear my blood curdling from that little lack of customer service. I beat on the door with my fist until he came out. After he ignored me, my demands went something like this, “We paid $16 to see this movie and we can’t enjoy it because some unsupervised kids behind us won’t shut up. I want you to take care of it, and I want my money back, too. Oh, and I saw you try to ignore me.”

He followed me all the way to our theater where I dramatically pointed (not unlike the Evil Monkey from Chris’ closet).

He dragged the hoodlums outside for a good ten minutes. When he did escort them back in, it was to the front row and they were perfect angels for the last (what? maybe 20 minutes at this point?) part of the movie. He must have verbally beat them within an inch of their lives.

Grownup: 1
Punk-ass kids: 0
Cinemark Theater: 0 (He gave us a refund and movie passes for the future, which I’m sure Emil used.)
Friends: 0 (They never invited us to go with them, again. …not that I blame them….besides…)

…I vowed to never go to a movie theater again.
I amended that vow when we visited Beth & Marc in Austin and went to an Alamo Drafthouse.

Frontstory

What is annoying about most of the comments is how the “authors” are completely ignorant of how an Alamo Drafthouse theater is set up or how it works. “Take over our theater” won’t work. The reason Alamo is successful is:

• Every row of seats is its own “level” or landing. Everyone has a good view. You aren’t sitting on a slant.
• Every row has sections of a drink/food rail. It’s like a small bar or counter so you can eat/drink at your seat.
• The layout prevents the possibility that someone could kick your seat during the show. There is an aisle back there and another rail.
• You can/will get food/drinks during the show (good and inconspicuous service, too!). You write your order on a piece of paper and tuck it into the rail. Servers see the paper standing up, crouch & sneak over, and quietly whisper questions if they have any. It’s a little like the flags at Panchos. They don’t bother you, ever. But, they are there if you need them.
• They tell you to arrive at least 45 minutes before the show so you can get seated and order. They ask if you’ve been before so they can give you the “orientation” if needed. They serve buckets of beer, so you can order food/drinks and then be done to enjoy the show.
• They bring the checks in the last few minutes of the show. They have this down to a science and know exactly when to do this.
• The atmosphere of Austin being “weird” is the big reason the theater is successful: Austinites appreciate the arts!

Today

I’m still not a huge go-to-the-movies fan, but when we do, we Alamo.

I’m sure that “irate” is an SAT word that she didn’t remember from any prep course in high school.
Scott coined the term punk-ass-kids. A similar group of teens rear-ended him/Jenn at a red light at ~40mph…with no brakes. They were chatting and no paying attention. The brand-new-hadn’t-even-been-home-yet SUV was totaled.
One time, Emil and some friends coerced me into a Lord of the Rings showing. While I love the movies and seeing them on the big screen, I hate their “cult”. I was all set to sit in the car for three hours until Emil made puppy-dog eyes at me. I told him this was the last time. Since it was the last LOTR, he didn’t care.